A Woman at Church

The highlight of my day today was my son a) speaking to me, b) in a normal voice. It's nothing short of miraculous for him to acknowledge my existence at this point. I felt some relief from the experience. He and Amelia decided to attend an Eagle court of honor tonight in the chapel, in their jeans and t-shirts. Amelia: "Can I wear this?" Tom: "Yeah. People will judge us." I'm sure someone there will judge them. I am also sure there will be people there who will just be glad to see them. I was so happy about Tommy speaking to me that I offered to let him drive my car. (He would never ask me--for anything. He is all about independence right now.) I did not offer to go with them, guessing the result would be them changing their plans. Sacrament meeting was bad from start to finish today. The choir sang a slapped-together version of "Did You Think to Pray?" and the closing hymn, "Have I Done Any Good?" was the icing on the shame cake....

I was up early this morning to go to ward council. It is a council that functions well as intended and I was grateful to be there and to participate. Church was calmer for me today. The kids didn't make it. Tom was suffering jet lag, I'm sure, and Amelia reports this evening that she has a severe sunburn that may prevent her from going to school tomorrow. I went to Primary to make sure they were staffed since the Primary president was out of town still. Once senior Primary started singing time, I went to the last half of Relief Society. It was okay. At the end of the meeting the RS counselor conducting reminded everyone that next week we will have a combined meeting, “with the priesthood.” I happened to be sitting next to the RS president. I leaned over and said, “The meeting will be combined with the Elders Quorum, not the priesthood.” I have a strong distaste for our imprecise language when it teaches an incorrect understanding of what the priesthood is. I wish the Church...

Church was good today. Neither Ben nor the kids were there. A dentist gave a talk about implementing the Come Follow Me curriculum, called the parable of the "Flosspel." I helped out in Primary and sat with a Sunbeam class. I had a good chat with Marilyn after church and then came home to finish listening to Tara Westover's Educated  before my audiobook loan expired. I found myself identifying more than I would have expected with the necessity of forsaking her view of reality in order to maintain a relationship with her parents. I feel grateful that Ben had more constraints on his behavior than Tara's dad did in how he insisted on his own worldview. I had an evening visit to the urgent care center because my thumb is more swollen and painful. They took x-rays to see whether there is infection in the bone and put me on an antibiotic. I had a good day yesterday, too. I went to Nauvoo to do sealings. The ceremony language is improved, but still not fully parallel. I ...

My good friends spoke in church today. They moved to Utah right before going on a mission to New Zealand. They are here visiting for a few days. I am so glad they were asked to speak! He was a member of the stake presidency for years and I have always appreciated his gentleness, generosity and compassion as he teaches the gospel. She spoke of her gratitude for service in a variety of callings, not all of which felt like a good fit at the outset. There was a beautiful vocal rendition of "Guide Me to Thee" sung by a young woman, accompanied by my friend, the marvelous Primary music leader. Last Sunday said friend approached me saying that the returned missionaries wanted to be able to see the Stevens family while they are here. Ben and Tom were their home teachers for years. I suggested she invite Ben and the kids for today and have me over with another family another time. The other family ended up offering to host the latter event, so there isn't even a question of how ...

Tom and Amelia did not go to church today. My ministering brother spotted them walking away from my house after church. I am sure they were postponing interacting with me. It's what they do now. A counselor in the bishopric checked in with me after sacrament meeting and was kind as I summarized the state of affairs with the events of Thursday evening. His kindness made me teary, which many people saw, which is not my favorite thing. I was a little low on sleep and resilience. Thursday evening I had these text message exchanges with my children: Me to Amelia, 5:31 p.m.: Hi Amelia. Where are you and what's your plan for coming home? Me to Amelia, 6:00 p.m.: Please check in. Remember you have percussion at 6:30. Me to Tommy, 6:01 p.m.: Please check in. Remember you have percussion at 6:30. Amelia, 6:07 p.m.: Okay Amelia, 6:07 p.m.: I am with tommy Me to Amelia, 6:08 p.m.: Where? Dinner is ready. Me to Tommy, 6:17 p.m. What is your plan for getting to percussion? Amelia, ...