A Woman at Church

I hosted my first gathering in my home since moving in a year and a half ago. I wanted to sing Sally DeFord's arrangement of "While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks by Night," but I didn't get it organized in time to sing it at church. Luckily for me, Rick and Marilyn were willing to come play the piano. I made gingersnaps and wassail. The Gleasons, Crawfords, and Davies came. We crowded in downstairs around the piano, sight-reading in German, French, and English. Angela introduced us to "Out of the Oriental Skies," which was pretty fun. Audrey commented as she left that, "I thought it was just going to be like 'Joy to the World' singing, but it wasn't--in a good way!" It's nice the Crawford and Davies kids are old enough either to participate or play games on their own in the next room. The best part was Alice and Anna arriving in the middle. After everyone left, we had some conversation. I was trying to point out that it isn't...

After church today I rehearsed a musical number for next Sunday. It's somewhat less boring with the accompaniment, so I am feeling a little less annoyed by it at this point. And I planned an evening of singing so I can sing the thing I wanted to sing instead. My next stop was sacrament meeting for the Spanish branch at the other building in town. I played the piano for their services. It was a lovely experience, and nice to spend some time practicing for it in advance. I caught a word here and there, but I didn't really follow what the speakers were saying. People were very appreciative that I came (it's someone different every week) and I got to see some former ward members.

I am sick, which makes everything harder, but I just remembered that the St. Olaf Christmas Festival is today. I only missed the first hour. I will catch the whole thing after they post the archive on 12/20/19. I made it to sacrament meeting. My throat was too sore to sing, so that was a bummer. I enjoyed Rick's organ prelude and postlude, though. Tom blessed the sacrament today. We had talks about missionary work today. They were unusually good. The two main speakers referenced Elder Uchtdorf's talk "Missionary Work: Sharing What is in Your Heart."  One was a sister missionary and one was our bishop's wife. Both focused on tending to one's own heart and then taking small steps without fear. It was an unexpectedly good meeting on the topic. On Wednesday I went to YW in Excellence. It was science fair/open house style. Amelia wasn't there, but I saw Tom. He took Amelia's skateboarding poster down. I am a fan of our YW presidency's willingnes...

Today was testimony meeting. A brother got up who tends to go on longer than most and is often hard for me to listen to. Today he was talking about wondering what his deceased parents must sometimes think of him. His words were laden with shame and disappointment. Then he wondered what God must sometimes think of us. I keep coming back to the question: how does this help anyone live the Gospel better? I restrained myself for a few minutes, but I think it was still clear that my testimony was a response to his. I don't think that was avoidable. I shared about coming home to the quote on my bedroom wall, "Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow, and forever." God's love is persistent, not conditional. What we choose is whether to access it, not whether God will offer it. It's there.

This week I have felt more deeply frustrated with the position of women in the Church than ever before. I am also checking my privilege (well-educated and well-connected). What happens when a woman makes an appointment to see her stake president? If that woman is me, the stake executive secretary asks her zero questions, says “I am going to call this a counseling appointment,” and the stake president meets with her one-on-one for a full hour, as it turns out. If that woman is not me, the stake president might end up calling her branch president to get some background information. Her branch president might describe her as “manipulative,” causing the stake president to invite his counselor to join him for the meeting. And then he might tell her a story about how local leaders (bishops, branch presidents) are entitled to inspiration in counseling members so that isn’t really his role. If that woman has ADHD and complex PTSD, she may not be equipped to advocate for herself in adequate w...

I forgot to mention last week that Tommy helped administer the sacrament. It's the first time I have seen him do that in several months, at least. The bishop has told me he often sees Tom sitting in the back of the chapel by himself. He is finding his own way, although I didn't see him at church today. I watched the Face to Face on the new Children and Youth program tonight. I especially loved the video of the young women rock climbing, ending with the one who had on a big smile as she proclaimed "I am never doing that again!" Sometimes once is enough not to allow fear to drive. I felt sad through much of the meeting. I miss my kids. I wonder whether they will come to my house tomorrow. I sent them each a personal email last night. I probably won't get any feedback on those messages. Sad as I was, I got a good laugh in the middle of the meeting when Alice called to tell me that my former in-laws had invited me to have Thanksgiving with them. Um, no. They alr...