A Woman at Church

This week I have felt more deeply frustrated with the position of women in the Church than ever before. I am also checking my privilege (well-educated and well-connected). What happens when a woman makes an appointment to see her stake president? If that woman is me, the stake executive secretary asks her zero questions, says “I am going to call this a counseling appointment,” and the stake president meets with her one-on-one for a full hour, as it turns out. If that woman is not me, the stake president might end up calling her branch president to get some background information. Her branch president might describe her as “manipulative,” causing the stake president to invite his counselor to join him for the meeting. And then he might tell her a story about how local leaders (bishops, branch presidents) are entitled to inspiration in counseling members so that isn’t really his role. If that woman has ADHD and complex PTSD, she may not be equipped to advocate for herself in adequate w...

I forgot to mention last week that Tommy helped administer the sacrament. It's the first time I have seen him do that in several months, at least. The bishop has told me he often sees Tom sitting in the back of the chapel by himself. He is finding his own way, although I didn't see him at church today. I watched the Face to Face on the new Children and Youth program tonight. I especially loved the video of the young women rock climbing, ending with the one who had on a big smile as she proclaimed "I am never doing that again!" Sometimes once is enough not to allow fear to drive. I felt sad through much of the meeting. I miss my kids. I wonder whether they will come to my house tomorrow. I sent them each a personal email last night. I probably won't get any feedback on those messages. Sad as I was, I got a good laugh in the middle of the meeting when Alice called to tell me that my former in-laws had invited me to have Thanksgiving with them. Um, no. They alr...

Our Primary program was awesome. The rising young men and young women each gave a talk about something they learned from the New Testament this year. The songs were well chosen and full of spirit. There were good dynamics and energy, even if there weren't perfect cutoffs. Marilyn's neighbors came, one of whom is a choir director, so she was self-conscious about that. It was a beautiful triumph. Relief Society got a little strange. We discussed Elder Bednar's talk "Watchful unto Prayer Continually." The focus was on how to avoid being deceived. It was a good discussion. A couple of sisters shared about decisions not to watch R-rated movies and not to be on social media. That was fine. The topic always on my mind is how to avoid self-deception and self-righteousness that lead to breaking the first two commandments. I talked about Noah teaching me with his Christlike qualities in the very moment he does not attend church and doesn't even believe in God. I talke...

I just realized that I didn't post on Sunday. Today will have to do. I won't write about church. Other things are on my mind. I just came home from my ministering brother's house. He gave me a blessing after distressing events yesterday. I wanted to write in my journal when I got home. It's a good thing he blessed me with "extraordinary patience" because I can't find my journal. There's a chance it's around here somewhere, since I am an inconsistent writer in both time and space. I've looked where I thought it was and where I think it could be. I am wondering if my kids found it and took it to read. I don't even remember what all would be in there, but I think it goes back years. It may or may not turn up. The other striking thing I wanted to remember from the blessing was that I would have words given to me when I find myself in unanticipated situations. I am less a fan of the part about breaking loneliness breaking me open to be close...