I did it, and I did it well
Today I led the 5th Sunday discussion on Being Wise in Managing Our Finances. I did a great job! I thought about how a good portion of our ward members have grown up in the Church and have been taught self-reliance principles their whole lives. We could tell them one more time to have a budget, but what prevents them from implementing the things they already know are good counsel? So we talked about the purposes of increasing faith in Christ, building unity in the family, and increasing commitment to self-reliance principles. And we talked about how finances affect us spiritually and emotionally, about how it matters how we have these conversations and how me make decisions, not just what the decisions are. I put my money where my mouth was and walked in with an outline that was mostly questions, prepared to lead a discussion rather than to lecture. We had a good discussion, and I was able to underscore certain things people said to highlight the most important principles in the materials.
I have been ready to lead this meeting since March. The bishop asked me to plan the meeting at February ward council, and I immediately went to work studying the provided materials. The ward council decided that investment risk was not a central issue here as it is elsewhere, so we didn't focus on that. I felt guided as I prepared, even as I knew it could be seen as a little strange for a divorced person to be leading a discussion about how to have these conversations in your family. I also knew that I had a unique understanding of the damage that entitlement and control can do to a relationship, as well as a conviction that learning how to have these conversations respectfully means you can have any conversation you need to have where wants may differ.
So I have been ready for months, as sure as I ever have been about what I was supposed to do. As the date got closer, however, my anxiety increased. The memory of Ben's frequent, lengthy comments during the Sunday school lesson on the divorce verses in Mark came back, although I had been unfazed by them at the time. He had also stopped by my house unannounced recently. The brief conversation on my front porch had me flooded with the all too familiar sensation: "You are going to lose. There is no way for you to win here. What you want doesn't matter." I became anxious that Ben might be in the meeting. I shared the concern with a member of the bishopric, who mentioned that all of the bishopric members planned to be with the youth. Next stop, Elders Quorum president. He had said yes to subbing for the Primary chorister when I had said no, so he wouldn't be there either. He circled back to the bishop, who rethought things and decided that on of the bishopric would be there to conduct the meeting. It ended up being the bishop himself, which was great.
In the meantime, I had the Primary president put Ben at the top of her list for subbing in Primary. He was helping in senior Primary, so as it turned out, he did come into the room where I was leading the discussion once they went to singing time, but by then we were already half-way through. When he entered the room I had a flicker of worry that immediately subsided and I went on as planned. Ben didn't make any comments, and all was well.
What I would really like right now is to have someone to talk the experience over with, who would wrap me in an embrace and reinforce what a good job I did (even though I have no doubt about it), and maybe even fix me lunch.
I have been ready to lead this meeting since March. The bishop asked me to plan the meeting at February ward council, and I immediately went to work studying the provided materials. The ward council decided that investment risk was not a central issue here as it is elsewhere, so we didn't focus on that. I felt guided as I prepared, even as I knew it could be seen as a little strange for a divorced person to be leading a discussion about how to have these conversations in your family. I also knew that I had a unique understanding of the damage that entitlement and control can do to a relationship, as well as a conviction that learning how to have these conversations respectfully means you can have any conversation you need to have where wants may differ.
So I have been ready for months, as sure as I ever have been about what I was supposed to do. As the date got closer, however, my anxiety increased. The memory of Ben's frequent, lengthy comments during the Sunday school lesson on the divorce verses in Mark came back, although I had been unfazed by them at the time. He had also stopped by my house unannounced recently. The brief conversation on my front porch had me flooded with the all too familiar sensation: "You are going to lose. There is no way for you to win here. What you want doesn't matter." I became anxious that Ben might be in the meeting. I shared the concern with a member of the bishopric, who mentioned that all of the bishopric members planned to be with the youth. Next stop, Elders Quorum president. He had said yes to subbing for the Primary chorister when I had said no, so he wouldn't be there either. He circled back to the bishop, who rethought things and decided that on of the bishopric would be there to conduct the meeting. It ended up being the bishop himself, which was great.
In the meantime, I had the Primary president put Ben at the top of her list for subbing in Primary. He was helping in senior Primary, so as it turned out, he did come into the room where I was leading the discussion once they went to singing time, but by then we were already half-way through. When he entered the room I had a flicker of worry that immediately subsided and I went on as planned. Ben didn't make any comments, and all was well.
What I would really like right now is to have someone to talk the experience over with, who would wrap me in an embrace and reinforce what a good job I did (even though I have no doubt about it), and maybe even fix me lunch.
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