Families Can Be Together Forever

I was at church early this morning for ward council. The bishopric learned the chorister would not be there and asked me to substitute, which I am always happy to do. It was a little funny that I wasn't wearing makeup. I usually do to church, but not always. Sometimes I don't feel like it, and I was running a little late this morning. But I probably would have put some on if I had known I would be standing up in front of the entire congregation. Then again, maybe it was just as well. The young woman leading the opening hymn seemed also to be having a late morning and didn't wear makeup, which is not usual for her.

I was taking care of some things between ward council and sacrament meeting, so I didn't get much of a chance to review the hymns. Two of them were less familiar to me, but the intermediate hymn I know very well.

"I have a family here on earth" [So far, so good]
"They are so good to me." [Actually, two of my children are not good to me at all. Their behavior occasionally approaches verbal abuse. They learned contempt from both their parents and their father continues to model it.]
"I want to share my life with them through all eternity." [True, line 2 comment notwithstanding. They are actually pretty great people when they are not overcome with spite and contempt.]
"Families can be together forever through Heavenly Father's plan.
I always want to be with my own family and the Lord has shown me how I can."

Then comes verse two:
"While I am in my early years I'll prepare most carefully
So I can marry in God's temple for eternity." [Nothing in my early years prepared me to deal with my marriage in a healthy way. I was in my 30s before I began to mature, and 40 by the time I really took myself on. When my husband was 50, I realized that he was not going to choose to take himself on in the same way anytime soon and the safe place for me was not with him. The safe place for our children was not in our home. They might be 30 before they recognize that, or remember it.]

It was a day I could weather the experience just fine. It was a relief to know the words, since I struggled to read the hymnal without my reading glasses, which I didn't want to wear while looking out at the congregation. And it's short, so it was over quickly. Near the end, I caught a look of compassion on a dear friend's face that made me feel loved. It wasn't pity, more of an acknowledgement of the surreality that I was the person leading that song.

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