Mea culpa
Today I learned that my kids are attending seminary across town with the City High kids. The West High seminary teacher told me and it cracked me up. Whatever the reason (fresh start, different people, different teacher, etc.) I am glad to know they're going. Tom has 100% attendance. I didn't check Amelia, but it's likely the same. They're two peas in a pod at the moment.
I had one of those difficult, humbling experiences today where I was reminded that I don't see all the pieces and I don't know what should happen. I was watching Marilyn do singing time in preparation for subbing for her next Sunday. During most of that time the Primary president and secretary were talking at the back of the room. I was sitting back there, too, with a small table between us. I found it distracting as an adult. Marilyn had recently commented to me how distracting it can be for the kids to have people talking in the back of the room, so I was primed to notice. There was a little more of it during senior singing time, but not as much as in junior. I decided to say something to the Primary president, so I asked her to talk with me in the hallway for a minute. I told her that I had found it distracting and asked if she could take it into the hallway. I was thinking about another chatty Primary secretary where the solution was to take the conversation into the hallway instead of trying to stop it. I think she started to tell me that the secretary is trying to learn the kids' names, but I just nodded like I already knew what she was going to say (i.e. that the secretary likes to talk and it's hard to stop her). She said, "I can. Thanks for the tip." She was quite gracious, but she seemed a little off. She's usually the most pleasant and compassionate person you could interact with, and managed herself fine, but still.
After church, she came up and told me about learning the kids' names and that she doesn't know how to do that except in the room where they can see the kids. That was helpful information for me. She also said she felt like she was being called out into the hall like she was in trouble. At moments I think I should just mind my own business. Other moments I think it's reasonable to try to make things better by sharing observations and ideas. My discernment about which moment is which is not 100%. I apologized for handling the whole thing badly (I genuinely believe I did--rather briskly if not brusquely) and thanked her for telling me what was really happening.
The whole thing reminded me that what we think we see (a chatty person who insists on talking during singing time) and what is really there (someone trying to learn the kids names in the best way she knows, even if it's less than ideal in other ways) are often not the same. And if I want to receive relevant information to update my predictions, I need to slow down and be more visibly open and receptive to it.
I still felt pretty emotional about my disappointment with myself when I got home from church. I wrote the Primary president an email message and got ready for my Self-Reliance group meeting. I felt emotional again when I got home from that meeting. Some of the emotion is attributable to the experience. Some of it is attributable to fasting. And some of it is attributable to the loneliness I feel in relation to my kids.
Amelia came in a few minutes ago to pick up some sparking water, 2 cans. The van is gone since I came home from church the first time. I am not sure where Tom is. I haven't seen him today.
And then there's the moment when you realize that you turned the oven on to heat, checked the time so you'd know when it had been 55 minutes, and then let another 30 minutes go by without actually putting the frozen lasagna in the oven.
I had one of those difficult, humbling experiences today where I was reminded that I don't see all the pieces and I don't know what should happen. I was watching Marilyn do singing time in preparation for subbing for her next Sunday. During most of that time the Primary president and secretary were talking at the back of the room. I was sitting back there, too, with a small table between us. I found it distracting as an adult. Marilyn had recently commented to me how distracting it can be for the kids to have people talking in the back of the room, so I was primed to notice. There was a little more of it during senior singing time, but not as much as in junior. I decided to say something to the Primary president, so I asked her to talk with me in the hallway for a minute. I told her that I had found it distracting and asked if she could take it into the hallway. I was thinking about another chatty Primary secretary where the solution was to take the conversation into the hallway instead of trying to stop it. I think she started to tell me that the secretary is trying to learn the kids' names, but I just nodded like I already knew what she was going to say (i.e. that the secretary likes to talk and it's hard to stop her). She said, "I can. Thanks for the tip." She was quite gracious, but she seemed a little off. She's usually the most pleasant and compassionate person you could interact with, and managed herself fine, but still.
After church, she came up and told me about learning the kids' names and that she doesn't know how to do that except in the room where they can see the kids. That was helpful information for me. She also said she felt like she was being called out into the hall like she was in trouble. At moments I think I should just mind my own business. Other moments I think it's reasonable to try to make things better by sharing observations and ideas. My discernment about which moment is which is not 100%. I apologized for handling the whole thing badly (I genuinely believe I did--rather briskly if not brusquely) and thanked her for telling me what was really happening.
The whole thing reminded me that what we think we see (a chatty person who insists on talking during singing time) and what is really there (someone trying to learn the kids names in the best way she knows, even if it's less than ideal in other ways) are often not the same. And if I want to receive relevant information to update my predictions, I need to slow down and be more visibly open and receptive to it.
I still felt pretty emotional about my disappointment with myself when I got home from church. I wrote the Primary president an email message and got ready for my Self-Reliance group meeting. I felt emotional again when I got home from that meeting. Some of the emotion is attributable to the experience. Some of it is attributable to fasting. And some of it is attributable to the loneliness I feel in relation to my kids.
Amelia came in a few minutes ago to pick up some sparking water, 2 cans. The van is gone since I came home from church the first time. I am not sure where Tom is. I haven't seen him today.
And then there's the moment when you realize that you turned the oven on to heat, checked the time so you'd know when it had been 55 minutes, and then let another 30 minutes go by without actually putting the frozen lasagna in the oven.
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