Witnesses and General Conference
It has been a week of good news at church.
I noticed that my response to the news that women and girls will be able to serve as formal witnesses at ordinances included gratitude but not excited amazement. I thought, "Oh good! They've gotten around to taking care of that. Of course we should be able to do that." A lot of women in my divorce groups were effusive about this option and what it means for them and their families. Many of them were in overtly abusive marriages, so the former spouse is often unworthy, antagonistic, or both.
I was grateful for Terence Vinson's story about the woman who experienced the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ healing her bitterness toward her former spouse. I identify with that experience, though it was more gradual for me. And then he tossed in the "by the way, she is now happily married," and I thought, "Darn! he almost made it." I don't understand why we have to make marriage the happy ending. That's more Disney than doctrine. It's true that eternal relationships magnify our joy. It's also true that being in an apparently eternal relationship with someone not actively engaged in repentance and forgiveness every day is the opposite of heaven. Making the marriage the happy ending suggests that marriage is what makes us whole when what actually makes us whole is the Atonement of Jesus Christ. If we focus more on salvation, the exaltation will come naturally as saved people--those who repent and forgive on the regular and love as Christ loves--become the kind of people able to participate in a qualitatively eternal relationship. Exaltation will take care of itself as individuals keep their covenants. The problem with focusing on exaltation is that it makes it seem like our ultimate destiny depends on another human being. It can make it seem like we are waiting for something outside of ourselves to change.
And speaking of covenants, I have a word to say about the covenant path. I think our concept of what constitutes leaving the covenant path is far too narrow. My experience is that I frequently leave the covenant path, whenever I fall short of behaving in a Christ-like way and truly remembering Him. That's the system operating as designed. I agree with my friend Cristi's assertion that the point is to "be in the covenant path," not to "stay" there. God has no expectation that we will stay there, even when we avoid the most egregious sins. That's why families are built on principles of repentance and forgiveness. In mortality, breaking the covenants we make is inevitable. Becoming people who break them less and less through the enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ is the work of mortality.
I have for a few years now made peace in my mind with the fact that priesthood offices are held only by men by considering it a consequence of the Fall, rather than evidence of any kind of eternal order of things. Eve made a unilateral decision in the Garden of Eden that forced Adam's hand because it changed the choices available to him. As a consequence, the order of the Church in mortality was constructed to avoid that circumstance, to compel Eve's daughters to work with their partners in decision-making.
And then we had the announcement about the witnesses this week, once again highlighting the ongoing nature of the Restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and His Church on the earth. That got me thinking that perhaps the lesson was as much for Adam as for Eve. Perhaps the point is for men to learn how to see things from someone else's point of view and to make room for what someone else wants. Eve chose progress over comfort, and eventually Adam did, too. And now the test for men in positions of power is to see how they will share it, how they will work with their partners in decision-making. They job is not--and has never been--to decide for women, but to decide with them.
It's a little like Matthew Crawley pouring his unexpected inheritance into Downton Abbey and Lord Grantham making him a partner in the estate. But when Matthew starts taking him at his word and really acting like a full partner, it's a challenge for Lord Grantham to adjust and make room for another person with similar but not identical desires and priorities. Matthew is essential to Lord Grantham's growth as much as it is the other way around.
I am more and more convinced that in our mortal experience we see through a glass darkly, that words don't always mean what we've taken them to mean for decades, that words are only an approximation of eternal ideas to begin with. When Paul encourages us to teach nothing but Jesus Christ, I feel he is right. When he wanders from that central message, he gets into trouble and becomes problematic, as all of us human beings do. I am encouraged by the number of talks that not only focused on Jesus Christ, but encouraged us to keep that essential doctrine the focus of all our efforts.
I watched Pr. Nelson's closing remarks Saturday evening sitting alone in my house in the autumn dark. Tom and Amelia were at homecoming. I only knew that because the mother of one of their friends told me their plans. I will have to reread his talk to sift through my thoughts and feelings some more, but he got to the end and I just felt tired. He even articulated explicitly something I have understood and taught for a long time, namely, that priesthood power and authority rests in making and keeping covenants, not in priesthood office-holders. Maybe that feels more exciting to someone who has never thought of it that way before. I just thought, "Thank you! Now I have a quote to trot out for people who don't understand this concept," and felt tired that there are so many people in that group.
I noticed that my response to the news that women and girls will be able to serve as formal witnesses at ordinances included gratitude but not excited amazement. I thought, "Oh good! They've gotten around to taking care of that. Of course we should be able to do that." A lot of women in my divorce groups were effusive about this option and what it means for them and their families. Many of them were in overtly abusive marriages, so the former spouse is often unworthy, antagonistic, or both.
I was grateful for Terence Vinson's story about the woman who experienced the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ healing her bitterness toward her former spouse. I identify with that experience, though it was more gradual for me. And then he tossed in the "by the way, she is now happily married," and I thought, "Darn! he almost made it." I don't understand why we have to make marriage the happy ending. That's more Disney than doctrine. It's true that eternal relationships magnify our joy. It's also true that being in an apparently eternal relationship with someone not actively engaged in repentance and forgiveness every day is the opposite of heaven. Making the marriage the happy ending suggests that marriage is what makes us whole when what actually makes us whole is the Atonement of Jesus Christ. If we focus more on salvation, the exaltation will come naturally as saved people--those who repent and forgive on the regular and love as Christ loves--become the kind of people able to participate in a qualitatively eternal relationship. Exaltation will take care of itself as individuals keep their covenants. The problem with focusing on exaltation is that it makes it seem like our ultimate destiny depends on another human being. It can make it seem like we are waiting for something outside of ourselves to change.
And speaking of covenants, I have a word to say about the covenant path. I think our concept of what constitutes leaving the covenant path is far too narrow. My experience is that I frequently leave the covenant path, whenever I fall short of behaving in a Christ-like way and truly remembering Him. That's the system operating as designed. I agree with my friend Cristi's assertion that the point is to "be in the covenant path," not to "stay" there. God has no expectation that we will stay there, even when we avoid the most egregious sins. That's why families are built on principles of repentance and forgiveness. In mortality, breaking the covenants we make is inevitable. Becoming people who break them less and less through the enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ is the work of mortality.
I have for a few years now made peace in my mind with the fact that priesthood offices are held only by men by considering it a consequence of the Fall, rather than evidence of any kind of eternal order of things. Eve made a unilateral decision in the Garden of Eden that forced Adam's hand because it changed the choices available to him. As a consequence, the order of the Church in mortality was constructed to avoid that circumstance, to compel Eve's daughters to work with their partners in decision-making.
And then we had the announcement about the witnesses this week, once again highlighting the ongoing nature of the Restoration of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and His Church on the earth. That got me thinking that perhaps the lesson was as much for Adam as for Eve. Perhaps the point is for men to learn how to see things from someone else's point of view and to make room for what someone else wants. Eve chose progress over comfort, and eventually Adam did, too. And now the test for men in positions of power is to see how they will share it, how they will work with their partners in decision-making. They job is not--and has never been--to decide for women, but to decide with them.
It's a little like Matthew Crawley pouring his unexpected inheritance into Downton Abbey and Lord Grantham making him a partner in the estate. But when Matthew starts taking him at his word and really acting like a full partner, it's a challenge for Lord Grantham to adjust and make room for another person with similar but not identical desires and priorities. Matthew is essential to Lord Grantham's growth as much as it is the other way around.
I am more and more convinced that in our mortal experience we see through a glass darkly, that words don't always mean what we've taken them to mean for decades, that words are only an approximation of eternal ideas to begin with. When Paul encourages us to teach nothing but Jesus Christ, I feel he is right. When he wanders from that central message, he gets into trouble and becomes problematic, as all of us human beings do. I am encouraged by the number of talks that not only focused on Jesus Christ, but encouraged us to keep that essential doctrine the focus of all our efforts.
I watched Pr. Nelson's closing remarks Saturday evening sitting alone in my house in the autumn dark. Tom and Amelia were at homecoming. I only knew that because the mother of one of their friends told me their plans. I will have to reread his talk to sift through my thoughts and feelings some more, but he got to the end and I just felt tired. He even articulated explicitly something I have understood and taught for a long time, namely, that priesthood power and authority rests in making and keeping covenants, not in priesthood office-holders. Maybe that feels more exciting to someone who has never thought of it that way before. I just thought, "Thank you! Now I have a quote to trot out for people who don't understand this concept," and felt tired that there are so many people in that group.
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